Day 33

Liz -

So today we went to the beach for the day with the kids, a lovely day for it. They had a fab time splashing around in the sea and playing ball & badmington. We made sure we all kept topped up with suntan lotion and now all look like we've been abroad rather than to Clacton-on-sea. Can't complain about the weather we have had that's for sure - lets just hope tomorrow is as nice too.

Harry has managed to book swimming for us tomorrow morning at the caravan park - this will be great fun for the kids, there is a huge slide for them and we will all have plenty of fun i'm sure.

Today as a whole has been lovely, however we've had moments where i could have quite easily downed a glass or two of wine, or eaten some fish and chips. When i'm stressed food is always my go to, but now I can't have this so I just try and walk away or go and get some air.

We've had some laughs today both at the beach and in the caravan, digging a hole in the sand for Grace to fall into when she sat on her towel and Harry putting on one of Nats tops to go out in. It's been good as it's kept me sain when food wasn't an option.

I've had 2 shakes so far, and we have mixed veg, mushrooms, tinned tomatoes and fajita seasoning for our dinner this evening - yummy! it smells amazing.

We are off out for dinner tomorrow evening & we have checked the menu for salad's and they have some so we should be good. We spoke today about possibly having some ham / salmon with this salad as it is the last day of our holiday and we have refrained from fish and chips, burgers, hot dogs, ice creams etc and as we have done so well on the diet so far we are considering treating ourselves in a small way. If we do this we will ensure we go straight back to veg/salad only from Friday onwards.

I'm so proud of Mike for refraining as I know a few times he has wanted to stray away but he hasn't done, despite begging me. His call with the doctor went well today - i'll let him tell you more about that. But I just want him to know how super proud of him I am and how I'm glad he is doing this for a better quallity of life going forward.

Mike -

Today was another really tough day. Jack is so over tired and whilst for large periods of the day we have had a nice time the harder times are what sticks at the front of my mind. It is hard enough without having to deal with it all on an empty stomach. Food wise it wasn't as bad as yesterday as when everyone else was eating i could lay down put my hat on my face and chill for 5 minutes.

On the positive side Jack did have a lovely time at the beach. He loved splashing in the sea with his cousins but i could see it on his face when we left that he was so tired. Unfortunately he is like me when he is tired and just wants to argue all the time. I wanted to find time whilst we were away to read my book as it is one of the things i find relaxing and gives me a break from the stresses of life but this has been pretty much non-existent so far this week. Every time i think i have a sneaky five minutes to myself something comes up. The day did start very well despite the early wake up call. Me and Liz managed to have a sneaky 5 minutes peace in bed together to have a cuddle as Jack sat and watched videos with his cousin.

I have noticed my already short fuse is getting shorter this week. There have been times i would have given anything to have just one pint of lager, one bad meal, one ice cream, one small tub of pic n mix, one large bag of M&S cheese tasters, just anything to help give me the energy to deal with these things when they come up. Don't get me wrong i still stand by my statement that i have more energy than i ever have but that fight or flight adrenalin is no longer evident when i need it. I end up wanting to go and sit in the corner and just thinking please stop and leave me alone.

Still we carry on pushing forward, we carry on fighting this fight, we carry on re-creating ourselves to the people and bodies we want to be and have. I spoke to the doctor today and he was pleased that i had hit my target weight loss within 4 weeks but i did explain that we will not move on to phase 2 just yet as by completing the 8 weeks we will be slimmer and lighter than either of us have been in years.

Liz is proud of me but i have more reason to be proud of her. She didn't need to do this with me, she already has the stress of a ready made family when we got together, she is doing 2 jobs and yet still she is the person that hasn't buckled and even when i tried convincing her we could have a day off she has stood strong. I know this week is even tougher for her than me but still she won't give in or give up on me. I am very lucky to have her in my life.

Carpe Diem 4L